i used to love it

I used to love that
Bucketing down the ganja
Hungering for your eyes
Having a frenzied fit
of greedy bets with death
Devouring every drug on earth in my reach for the skies
Wanting, wanting something new
Something transcendental
Something anything somewhere else
I used to love to go too far too far
to crash and burn and die a little
Drink the damson slash and damn it
To reside in the gutter looking at the stars
I used to love all that
soft skin hot knife speed pinned not life
Trial by guttersnipe and stutter
kind of strife and trouble
that sort of jive
I used to love the bang and gulp for breath
The hot crack of thin ice
The smell of burning flesh
The deft toss of the dice in spades at the double
I used to love to watch the walls melt
I used to love to drop like a bullet in a vacuum
I used to love to have sex with death
the needle speed and chemicals
I used to love the extinguished
The burnt out
The wasted dark and dead and finished before it got out of bed
“this boy will always walk in the way of disintegration”
Patch of sew on blackness kind of life
I used to love all that
I used to love it.