ode to kojak

If you can smile and grin 
when times are thin

Then you need to seriously examine yourself
And get a grip
Because I don’t think that you’re being very realistic
If you believe in rock and roll
and that music can save your mortal soul
Then you must be a right div
And I wouldn’t like to spend a night in the company
of your cd collection
Or be trapped in a car on the m25 with you
Whilst you listen to simply great radio
And smoke a slim panatella on your way to a meeting
Leaving a trail of deoderant and farts
Along with the wake
of your Vauxhall Corsa/BMW/Rover/Merc’s
catalitic converter emissions

which even the eviscerated foxes on the hard shoulder 
cough and splutter at

If you can swim the Atlantic 
without getting frantic

Like Kojak did 
Then you’re telling a fib
But at least it’s a big one
As suggested by Lord Northcliffe
The Boer war era propietor of the daily mail
And Herman Goering
The well known nazi propaganda merchant
So all credit to you and get your haircut like james mason why don’tcha?
If you can accept viccissitude without remorse
And fly to the moon on a winged horse
Then you’ve probably been reading too much CS Lewis
And ought to go see a physiotherapist
And if you’re old enough to remember Bernie the bolt on the golden shot
Then maybe you should start saying a few prayers
My friend
And begin drinking
a lot.