unrepeatable

i give top yabber
i can talk good heavens
but my heart has a stammer
and my eyes are a strip mine
i can’t spell truth
unless its with a strap line
for an actor is a liar
if she’s any good or not
from the dribble of the crier
to the ligger in his cot
oh the human doings
doctor beggar mermaid
oh the human doings
fairy sexton murderist
oh the devil made us
who the devil wants it
i am just a plagiarist
a ripping flout of emotion
for a worthless exhibition of emptiness
where the ugly remnants
of my eviscerated masquery
stain the disbelief of those suspended voyeurs
seeing themselves in the cracked mirror
of somebody else's ineptness and banality
they deserve better than that
don’t you think let me hear ya say yeah
yeah yeah yeah baby baby baby yeah
at 15 quid a chuck for the pleasure of this festival
at least the spectacle could have appalled me some
by being a sight more bestial
could have gone to the first half of a football match
or watched 10,000 episodes of game for a laugh
with an entry fee like that
yea verily still it whistleth mindless drab i
ncomprehensible
i came here to be entertained and sickened
to go to sleep to be trained to be driven insane
to be quickened incensed educated informed
reminded of my place and given leave to remain
in the flick of a witticism
which would be unfamiliar and strange
at any other time in any other space
instead i can’t believe what i’m seeing
my evanescent collusion
with that which stops me from human being
and that because i am an actor therefore i am a shell
is there a doctor in the house
i was feeling unwell
when way back there was almost a deplorable
indescribable confluent moment
when something felt true
and my euphoria nearly knocked me over
just like tommy cooper
i’ll never repeat that,
it was so unbelievable so irrefutable
how was it for you?

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