manic desperation

Desperately
Unable to look
Peak. Spy. Gaze.
Refrain.
from letting out dry weeps
of inner malaise
Desperately
Unable to taste
The rude aroma
of your naked wake
Desperately
Unable to touch
Your wounds
Desperately
Unable to face
The emptiness
The endlessness
Of Your image
Undrawn
Desperately
Unable to arise
Desperately
Unable to groan
Desperately
Unable to surmise
i desperately wants
to be alone
heart has turned to salt
courage shrunk
to the size of a coward
there’s a ghost in my clap
howling
Desperately
Desperately
Desperately
unable to be silent
and still
and modest
Desperately
unable to be hot  
Desperately
Unable not to be
Desperately
Unable to be not
Desperately
Unable to be kind
Desperately
Unable to be hard
Desperately
Unable to redefine
Desperately
Unable to see the stars
From the gutter or the beach
Or the barrel of the sea
inevitably
I remember your hand
Slowly causing this sensation 
of terrible panic
Closing on the jasper pebble
Of our manic
Desperation.



23/03/2012

Dedicated to Lydia who sometimes feels like that.
with Love and respect.

p.s i realise and understand there are too many words Lisa. desperately was only the title at 1st - but i just liked repeating it. I'm not a poet - i just like wrecking my thoughts to dry out.