Thursday, 15 February 2018

Fictional journal day 5



Distant. Further than the top shelf, higher than the cherry. Indecipherable yet evocative. Open but intangible. The funniest episode in Her mother's will-to-power play was an impassioned tirade about the tyranny of gender-based clothes. Admittedly it was funny in a "how can such idiotic concerns entertain the synaptic nerve endings of an apparently rational person?" kind of way, but at the same time, sort of embarrassing. I didn't want to die in the end, (not because of her mother's play, I got over that), it's cringy to think how I acted when I was pretending to be a martyr though, on my knees, stealing gin like an 8 year old. The guilt is finally resolved (stopped) finally, (finally) I'm happy to say, but the shame still taints. Anyhow, I digress, the clothes list was similar in tone to the precept of my sourcing - that's why I torched it. Not because of the derivation but rather because of the association. Out there in space - (if here is supposed to be elsewhere and out there has no inherent dislocation) out there, in the barren outfields of creation, latent sources of corruption are harvested by inadvertent invocation and yield miriad tears of corruption which leak through the ether of sin like sperm cells of malignity which fertilize the eggs of debauchery and promulgate a fetid tumult of carcinogenic justification. Lying to yourself is the easiest trick to pull off, onanistically speaking. And what a pleasure it is to hear your own sweet little voicie whispering "didn't do it, wouldn't dare, a big boy blue did it, he's over there." Spert. Raze the catacombs! Ravage the honeypots! Let it commence! Conquer the asylums and let the griffins out! A little patch of blackness is born every time you tell yourself a lie, every time you willfully succumb to an untruth, every time you collude with ingratiation and deceit. That's what the stars are mate; vast stretches of mystical reality, obscured by lours of condescension, flattery and low rock bottom denial. Wipe the effluvial grin off your face o man – only the rich white pacifists think you are too many. They think your faces are like photographs to gawp at and discard without consideration of the eyes which pierced them like murderers from that vaulted canopy the air look you! Every hair is broken and now comes the knackers van, tootling up the lane and bludgering from side to side with the weight of relapse taxing the axle of least remorse and the quintling diffidence of venality splurging through the hubcaps – like a toothpaste advert in a holiday camp, like the newt at the bottom of the bloodbath, like a risqué without a consequence, like a marigold without a crush.
These are the moribund canticles of de comte – lingering onward dreamily.

16/02/18






















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