king of the stupids

Today I'm the king of the stupids
I'm the stoopidest thing in the Kirk
I'm a blah! I'm a blim! I'm a ring a ding ding
I'm as stupid as Cupid a lupid old berk

And if I read a poem by Auden
I will remain at least as dim
As I was before I could afford him
The time that it takes to read  (for e.g)
"O tell me the truth about love"
I'll still be the king of the divvies
(I refer my noble friends to the verse above.)

I'm a dope without hope
I'm as thick as a post
I'm the walnut brained offender
As educationally sub normal as toast
Shooting from the lip
Without engaging my bonce
I'm a spong and a dillop
A mong and a pillock
I'm the embarrassing son
As weak in the head as they come.

And if I had an encyclopedia
I would use it as a hammer
I think of self improvement
As something you do with a spanner

Today I'm the king of the stoopids
I refused to take second place
When she said I'm the queen of the stoopids
I said you've outsmarted me to take that place
So I win the crown by default
God I'm stupid

Like a ladder.