Ballad of the Pretty Russian Prostitute

My little hey ho 

has a Chihuahua

My little ho ho's 

hotter than hot 

She blows on me 

when we're out dancing 

Keeps me keen and hard 

and impressionable 

Buying drinks from dark til dawn 

My little hey ho how I love her 

Under that fur coat 

she's got nothing on

This is the story 

of how I met her 

On the Internet 

of the rising sun 

I was lonely and she was wetter

For me I guess 

than all the other ones 

She wore her coat 

Without no nickers 

She was that kinda girl 

Brazen as a troll 

This Russian harlot 

Who had a chiwotsit

Took me home

Through a winding forest 

To a mysterious place 

East of Norwich  

I bought her brandy 

Her dog met my cat 

Or maybe it was the other way

When I think of that 

Well she got so blathered

That she kacked her pants 

Then sat in my bath 

Gouched and nodding 

Bobbing like a duck

On a fairground stick 

But there'd been no fuck

Or a taste of dick

So I put her in bed 

She had the body of a statue 

And the same sex appeal 

But I ain't into that 

I'm not a necrophiliac 

She was dead to the world 

Pretty as a pearl 

Sozzled and soiled 

Only a chihuahua to guard her 

From my horny hard bought ardor 

I licked her in a gaze 

And adored her perfect body 

Then I slept with the cat 

And laughed at my folly 

Cos you don't escape much

But I'd got away with that 

She woke up in a headache 

She was all Chihuahua fur and Pussy

She left me in a blur 

But the parting wasn't fussy

She took her dirty knickers 

And her yapping little hound 

If you listened very hard 

You might have heard the sound 

Of her frozen smile defrosting 

Or maybe it's the rain?

It's gonna cost you nothing 

To hook into her pain. 

My little hey ho 

has a Chihuahua

My little ho ho's 

hotter than hot 

She blows on me 

when we're out dancing 

Keeps me keen and hard 

and impressionable 

Buying drinks from dark til dawn 

My little hey ho how I love her 

Under that fur coat

she's got nothing going on.