Effigy

I'm an effigy on a pogo stick 

Too jumped up to inflagrate 

I'm all over the place like perfume 

Cut my pants on a barbwire gate

O, do mink the throstled gaystar 

O, do pluck the nettle cob 

Tonight Mathew I'll be screaming 

Like an over boiling kettle 

Cut me grill me parboil cook me

Tasty as a tender plum 

They say Pam Ayres is a doofus 

But did you know my little one

She's got a birthmark on her nipple

And I'm a big fan of her 

Verse

Her verve 

And the monologues of her vagina

China China China China China 

I know nothing let me prove it 

Here's my list of little known facts 

Worms don't want to be eaten 

By frogs small boys or birds 

They don't wanna be sliced atwain

By a gardeners ho no neither 

Look at the bloodbath 

Writhing around your watermelons

Like an avid wasp on heat

Like the cricket up your shirt

Every time I sew your jumper 

How I yearn to burn and flirt

As the scarecrow plucked asunder 

Like the ghost of muck and dirt.