Verbatim dialogue about a “found” thing, which has no name.

Verbatim dialogue about a “found” thing, which has no name.

BREATH What, what is it?
LVISH I found it.
BREATH Yeah but, what is it?
LVISH Hmmm /

BREATH It’s beautiful.
LVISH Well one man’s beautiful is another man's, you know, eye sore…
Pause
BREATH Let me see.
Pause
LVISH No.
BREATH Go on.
LVISH Mwaaw.
BREATH Where'd you find it?
LVISH In the woods.
BREATH Bet it’s an acorn.
LVISH ‘Snot an acorn.
BREATH Is it a leaf?

LVISH It’s like a leaf because it's, it's something which I found in the woods, it belongs to the woods.

BREATH Does it bite?
LVISH Maybe. Might be dangerous.
BREATH Wossit’s name?
LVISH Has no name.
BREATH You mean you don't know what it's called?
LVISH I mean it hasn't got a name.

FAST SECTION

BREATH You don't know what it’s called
LVISH It hasn't …
BREATH Everything's got a name.
LVISH It hasn't got a name.
BREATH Everything has got a name.
LVISH It hasn't got a name.
BREATH Well name it then!
LVISH I don't want to.

BREATH You don’t want to,
LVISH No.
BREATH Why not?
LVISH (sighs) Hmmm, well why can't there just be something which hasn't got a name, the thing with no name.
BREATH Well even that’s a way to describe it, the thing with no name.
You might as well call it some…, Alfasus.
LVISH It's not an Alfasus.
BREATH How do you know?
LVISH Because there are no Alfasi in these woods.
BREATH I know.
LVISH How do you know?
BREATH Because I just .. made it up, Alfasus. I just made it up.
LVISH You made up a word, a name, for something which you know doesn't exist?
BREATH Yeah.

LVISH And here we have a thing with no name. Which does exist. Isn't it enough? For it to just exist.
BREATH No ‘snot. It wants to have a name.
LVISH Doesn't want a name.
BREATH Why don't we ask it.
LVISH What? You don't… You don’t know what you’re talking about.

WOMAN ENTERS

Hello, excuse me. I'm very sorry to interrupt but have you seen my dogs shit?
BREATH That's a very strange question.
LVISH For a Ruuussian.
WOMAN EXITS

BREATH So this thing with no name.
LVISH Yeah, what about it?
BREATH wouldn't happen to be, well how can I put this…
LVISH Go on…
BREATH You’re not erm, concealing, the lady’s…
LVISH You think the thing with no name is that lady’s dog’s shit?

BREATH Could be…
LVISH Well, no, then it would just be…That lady’s dogshit…

Pause

BREATH Where did you find it?
What colour is it?
Does it smell?
What shape is it? How big is it?
Will it bite? Is it good to eat?
You just found it?
Where did you find it?
On the ground, in the air? Up a tree?
Was it dropped? Did it grow?
LVISH I’m not happy about all of these erm enquiries. It's just… leave it, leave it alone, it’s just a thing, with no, with no name. It doesn't want to be inquired into, it doesn’t need to be analyzed. It doesn’t need to be investigated, doesn't need to be named. It can be a thing with no name.
BREATH Yeah, but what if it's got no name on the basis of your ignorance and actually it is an acorn, something banal.
LVISH Well, as soon as you name it, it will become banal. Snowflake, leaf, pebble.
BREATH Alphasus. Alphasus. Alphasi.
LVISH Alphasi don’t exist.
BREATH They must. They must.
LVISH Why must they?
BREATH Because there's a name for it. Look it up, Alphasus, look it up. Look it up in a thesaurus, in the Oxford English Dictionary. Go on. Alphasus/alphasi, look it up in an old medical dictionary. Somebody, somewhere has used that combination of letters to describe something, to name it.
LVISH It actually sounds like an Italian Car doesn’t it? Oo look at that Alphasus.
There are lots of them, Alphasi, pottering along, littering the countryside, blocking trails to the seafront. They don't pull caravans, it’s the wrong sorts of vehicle, they don't even have tow bars on them. They're not even cars.
BREATH Shut up. I invented this thing which doesn't exist, not you. I will tell you what it isn't.

LVISH I told you what it isn't. I told you it isn't even a car on its way to the seaside without a tow bar.

BREATH Well that's not the way I don't see it! I don't see it as a sort of Korean salad.
LVISH Korean ?
BREATH Well, you know, something with seaweed in it.
LVISH Alphasus, Alpha-sus, no, that's not Korean. It couldn't possibly be Korean.
That's idiotic.
BREATH Yeah, well, errr, maybe they imported it.
LVISH Where from?
BREATH Alphasus, alphasus, alphasus,,, It's, it's soap!
LVISH Nah, you switched from the salad now? Going down The Body Shop route? Alphasus refreshing lotion? Shower gel?
BREATH No, it's definitely plant based. Alphaasus. Yes, it's still got that Italian ring.
LVISH Well, it's because you’re using Latin letters.
BREATH You're trying to sound like you know what you're talking about.
LVISH How come?
BREATH Using words like that?
LVISH What?
BREATH Latin.
LVISH They are Latin aren’t they?
BREATH I dunno.
LVISH You don't know? But you’re, you know, haughty enough a demigod to run around the world naming things which don't exist. And demanding, in a fit of contempt, for the basis of life itself that a thing has to be stamped with your authority
which clearly you don't possess because you couldn’t tell an Alphasus from an Alphasi and you wouldn't know whether it was an Italian car without a tow bar a piece of soap with bits of foliage in it or a Korean salad. You're not qualified.
Pause
BREATH You found it you say?
LVISH Yeah I found it, like a leaf.
BREATH Like a leaf? There are countless leaves aren’t there?
LVISH Well I wouldn’t say they were countless, there are a lot, it'd be hard to count them. It would run into the, you know, astronomical, but it's, it's finite.

BREATH All right, so, but they’re, they’re common?
LVISH Yes, they're common
BREATH And what distinguishes one from another is that one might be held up, held up to admiration, not scrutiny, not analysis, not, not desiccated into meaninglessness by investigation and dissection but seen…
Pause
BREATH …and known, that's the thing. It’s the thing which a name gives you, the ability to be known.
LVISH Why should I want to be known? Why should a thing want to be known? Why should anything want to be known?
BREATH Well, to stop you being lonely
LVISH But you're not lonely when you're unknown, you're, you're…
Pause
…alone with all of the other leaves, none of which have a specific name. Little Jimmy leaf, Marjorie leaf. You know, Amiya leaf, Suneel leaf.

BREATH What's that special name now?
LVISH It’s a special name?
BREATH Rumu. Rumu Sengupta leaf.
LVISH Why is that a special name? Jimmy? Why is it special? Why is it so special?

Why are you saying it’s special, Rumu Sengupta?
BREATH Well, you know what it means, don't you?
LVISH It means you come from India.  

BREATH Probably. But in actual fact, the translation of this name, Rumu Sengupta means “the Princess who knew everything.”
LVISH Does it fuck!
BREATH It does. That's what it means.
LVISH Well, why would you call a leaf, the Princess who knew everything?

BREATH Because it might be that meaningful to you. It might convey that impression to you. It might. It might fill you with this wonder. The same kind of wonder that evokes the mystery of a Princess who knows everything.
LVISH I bet she didn't know that a leaf is named after her.

BREATH You can't know everything. Transcendentally, she knows that somewhere there's a leaf out there, which is named after her. “Rumu Sengupta leaf,”
She projects that, she projects that through her third Eye.
LVISH What you talking about, third eye?
BREATH Yeah, it’s a shakra thing, third Eye.
LVISH Oh no no no no, I don't like this talk of chakras, I prefer “the mind’s eye.”
Pause
BREATH Did you make that up?
LVISH Course I didn’t make it up. I didn't make anything up. You made the Alphasus, you, you made the Alphasus thing up.
BREATH Yeah, yeah I did.
LVISH No you didn't!
BREATH Didn’t I?
LVISH Where did you get the letter A from?
BREATH Aaaw right! Yeah, I got that from the alphabet!

LVISH So let's go to the logical conclusion here. You didn't make it up the Alfa…, Alfa Romeo, it sounds like a car. You didn't make it up. It's just a sort of compact… sus sus sus sus law, soap suds. I don't know, you made a mistake Alphasus, Alphasud, it's particles of memory. Whereas this thing, which hasn't got a name, currently…
Pause
It resides beyond being named. It may be common, common as a leaf. But the very fact that it remains unnamed…
Pause
…makes it all the more precious. All the more particular. Something which hasn't got a name is capable of being the something, which everything comes from. That's why you mustn't name it.
BREATH All right. I Give in.

Pause

It’s a caterpillar isn’t it?
LVISH Not telling you.
BREATH Slug?
Whistle whistle
BREATH Mouse, it’s a mouse.
LVISH Shut up.
BREATH Hedgehog?
LVISH Go away.
BREATH A thing with no name is a thing with the name. “A thing with no name.”
LVISH I'm not talking to you.
BREATH It’s a leaf.
LVISH Shut up. Go away. Leaf me alone.
I’ll never be alone.
When I'm in the presence

of the thing,

with no name.

BREATH Ah ya tosser.

 

Exits. 

8/10/21